The Masters Results

The Results from the Season's first and, what some would say, most prestigious Major on the calendar are in. Gentlemen and Degenerates alike, please take a knee and avert your eyes, as you not worthy to gaze upon such greatness. I, President Precious, introduce to you, our 2022 Masters Champion, Railing Your Mom!!!!!

Some Highlights from this past Masters Sunday:

• Precious intended to give hole by hole commentary on his round and the result would have been glorious. Here is as far as he got....

Tee Box on Hole 1 - "What a beautiful day. No matter what happens it couldn't be as bad as what just happened to Headcase off of the Tee box. It's true what they say, half of the field is going to shoot themselves out of contention."

Middle of the Fairway - 132 yards from the Pin - "Just out drove a couple of sticks. Fuck these guys! Just hit the green and 2 putt. Nice and smooth."

Walking to the 2nd Tee Box - "A 20 footer for Birdie! Leading the Masters! Just don't fuck this up."

Walking off the 2nd Green - "How the hell could you not find that ball? 2 stroke penalty. Goddammit! It's ok. A 7 doesn't kill you."

Walking off the 3rd Green - "Another fucking lost ball. Stuck in a bush and then proceed to lose your ball! Fuck you. Fuck this game. Back to back 7s. Get it together. Play your way back into this."

Walking off of the 4th Green - "Ya, I'm done with this shit. Fucking triple 7s. This isn't Vegas. Fuck you Golden. I know I have to turn it around right now."

Tee Box on 6 - "An 8? Birdie, Triple, Quad, Triple, Quad. Yeah, this was a fucking stupid idea. I'm done."

Tee Box on 7 - "KP Bitch....and just like that I'm back in it!"

Tee Box on 9 - "Yeah, I lied, This is done."

• Toro in all black, looking like Johnny Cash after a serious bender, chips into a fucking tree branch, plays the ricochet like a seasoned vet to 3 feet and knocks home the putt. Yeah, fuck that guy.

• Dozer decides that group 3 wasn't playing slow enough, buys the group double Transfusions AKA "Rape Juice" and the wheels fall off.

• Roedog has a meltdown that will go down in the annals of history. Going triple, triple, triple, triple, on the final 4 holes. Ouch. There's always next year.

• Some other shit happens.

• Easy is robbed his due glory on a putt-off. Sorry Man. But you can take solace in low Gross/ low Net for the Tourney. Why do you play with us?

Congrats again to Railing Your Mom! The jacket looks good on that SpongeBob Square Pants body of yours!

Cheers Gentlemen. Onward & Upward.

President Precious

Pos.	Degenerate	Net	Score	FedEx Pts.
T1*	Railing Your Mom	+1	72	60
T1	Spanky	+1	72	27
T1	Easy	+1	72	27
4	Rabbi	+3	75	15
T5	El Toro	+5	76	11.5
T5	Hellboy	+5	76	11.5
T7	Roedog	+8	79	8.82
T7	Headcase	+8	79	8.82
T7	Precious	+8	79	8.82
T7	Dozer	+8	79	8.82
T7	Chambermaid	+8	79	8.82
12	Golden Rod	+9	80	7.2
T13	Magic	+10	81	6.6
T13	Simple	+10	81	6.6